How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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