I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
