and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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