Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
