you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
