and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
