maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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