Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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