i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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