I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
