im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
