Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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