Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
