dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We got so high we made milksteak
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
