i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
