God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you will always have a special place in my vag
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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