We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
