Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
