I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
