you turned your livingroom into a bong?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
