The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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