I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
