I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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