If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
