We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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