who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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