and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
