Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
