I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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