Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
