My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
