I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
