here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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