Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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