Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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