Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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