1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The beer is more important than you right now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
