Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
