ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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