I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
