Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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