So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
