Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
