But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
