Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
