TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
