do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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