i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
