If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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