perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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