hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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