There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize