that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
