Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
