Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
