I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize